Jeles

Sometimes you just get jealous over nothing in other people's point of view but somehow to you is a hell lot of a big matter. You know what I mean? I guess no one knows.

Now I can't really differentiate the feelings I am having right now. Is it jealousy? Is it tiredness? Am I emo? I no longer know. Maybe it's a combination of these stuff which lead to some other emotional disorder or whatever.

For some reason, some other people's problem eventually integrated into my brain which caused me to think otherwise of myself. Like for example one of my friends suddenly out of no where went into a relationship with another person whom I don't know, then I kinda like think to myself 'wow lucky for him' because just that other day he just told me that he was very sad other another person whom he likes, which is a totally different person from the one he's with now. Then I started thinking to myself when was the last time I had been in a relationship with someone. Oh right it was a year ago. Time sure passes so quickly that now that I realized I am not long away from early adulthood. Haih then that depresses me.

好听一点就是缘分还没到, 难听一点就是缘分早已过.

I know la. It's very stupid and shallow to think about how long have I been single and when will my time come. Or maybe it had passed long long time ago? -.-

I don't know. Shouldn't a typical friend be wishing them all the best for maintaining this relationship and stuff? And why am I getting jealous over such thing which leads to my emoness and then making me tired? I'm such a self-centered person.

In other words I get jealous over other people's puppy love, but I myself want to have a stable long term relationship. I am so in dilemma, get what I mean? Part of me is dry and part of me is wet.

If I keep on writing I will not know what I am writing anymore cause even what I wrote just now can hardly be understood so I should stop right now.

Untitled

Just when everyone else turn their back against you, you know that I'll never reject you, and that's why you wanna make up with me. Well guess what, I still accept you anyways, after all those things that you've done. Congratulations, now I feel so stupid..

Well, since this blog is meant to make me think positive, I should look from the other perspective. At least now I have 1 more friend and less 1 enemy right? right? right??

Sour

When you're emotional, sourness doesn't have to be tasted with your tongue. My heart is sour, literally. I can feel it getting dehydrated as though after tasting a lemon. Like this emoticon >.<

It shouldn't be like that. I should be happy for thee, for thee have found the one, the one who can see thee (humming Avatar's "I See You").


When thee have thou seeing eye,
I hope thee does not look behind,
For I am still standing still,
Not moving an inch forward,
For the past have haunted me,
That I lose my will to walk,
Never let me hold back thou life,
Life's brief candle,
I am and will be fine,
For this is not my first time alone.

Wtf am I writing? If you can understand what this means, you're really a genius, because I myself couldn't analyze what I've written as well. I am guessing this whole post can be summarized into 1 sentence: I'm sad.

PS: When you see me standing there alone, do you mind accompanying me for awhile?
PPS: And if you're the one, you will hold my hand, and guide me to walk again, and that I will not be left behind again...

Not So Happening But Happening

Today was just a mediocre day.

The first day of the semester started today. Went to classes full of enthusiasm, sadly couldn't last more than an hour. By the second hour everyone kept yawning all thanks to the boring lecturer who talked about terminologies we had not heard before without explaining wtf they are. Anyways nothing interesting happened during the hours I was in university, just a typical boring first day.

Went home quite early cause didn't have practical today. Did some piano practice and exercised for 30 minutes (wow I'm actually moving my lazy bum). Okay la I was too bored until I went jogging -.-

Pampered my hair after shower and applied leave-on conditioner on it. Didn't make my hair smooth though, I suspect the product has already expired. Yucks omg. But it did make my hair look a lot lesser, which is good cause I will not be visiting any hair stylists for the near future. Wanna leave my hair long long until it is beyond shoulder length hohoho*fatt hao*.

BUT. Dunno why suddenly emo siao. I think I got some mental illness or something. After reading my bestie's blog, I became quiet. Am I being empathetic?

Or maybe I'm feeling 空虚... But I should get used to this feeling since I've been living like that for my past years.. Maybe I'm just over thinking things. Better go game than thinking stupid stuff.

Update:
And the drama finally begins. While I was printing my notes my shitass sis just decided to boss around with her stupid attitude that makes people want to slap her. I really had the urge to but I didn't. Instead I went to my room and hit the table. Yea stupid. And then my bro came in and said that my temper is bad. Whatever, at least I tried releasing stress by not hurting anyone, just bear with the sound la!

And since the emoness kicked I cried silently.. But now I'm all good.

It's Not Love

Sometimes, when others are in love..
Will your mind tells you..
That instead of waiting to be loved..
I should try to love again?



Probably I'm just jealous.

The F

It is time where blogging is the only way (well at least to me) to express your darkest feelings. Wasn't long ago since someone dropped the F bomb on me for an insignificant matter, and damn it was such a tiny thing that you can just laugh your ass off instead of being a total jerk, not cool mate.

And guess what happened to cause my own big bro (note: BIG bro) to verbally attack me? Game. Yes we were playing an online game. God I swear games are evil. We always get into fights while playing games. Never once I feel happy playing computer games with anyone, unless sports that wear off your muscles (cause you'll be too tired to even get mad lol).

So anyway, that incident happened like this:

2nd bro: This place is too hard to level.
Big bro: Don't go then
.
.
.
(After 2 minutes)
Big bro: Why didn't your 2nd bro suggest another place to level?
Me: Cause you didn't ask him.
Big bro: I did. Read what I'd written just now. (Referring to that "don't go then" sentence)
Me: Well to me that doesn't seem to be like a question. It sounds more like a sentence.
Big bro: Fuck you both. <------Wtf?

(He was expecting us to think the way he interpreted his own sentence. What he meant was actually "Don't go, then? Where else you gonna suggest?")

Yes. I know. Total random. Not to mention pathetic at the same time. It's you own fault for failing to type a simple question mark. One simple thing that will change the whole meaning of the sentence. Are question marks so hard to type???????????? Well I just typed 12 of them, doesn't look like I'm suffering from the carpal tunnel syndrome. And you dare to insult us verbally while clearly, it is your own fucking fault? I should be the one dropping the F word instead!

That I got pissed. Yet he dared to ask me why I was mad. Ah, I guess there really are no cure for stupidity.

I know it is inappropriate to type such things here because obviously it was a shit ass small matter but I just couldn't stand myself for letting such stupid thing to happen on myself, and that I should be blamed for letting him to get the chance to sabotage me.

But then, what are the ways to prevent this from happening? I couldn't possibly do anything since I'm the little brother, and it is funny to rant such thing to the mom saying that big bro's bullying me. That is just for little kids, and I'm not little anymore, and nor is my big bro, although somehow his attitude and state of mind tell me that he is not 26 years old.. So my only solution is to blog about it, just to remind myself that such silly things is still happening to me, a 20-year-old. What a mad world...

Source: http://dark.pozadia.org/wallpaper/Sad-Emo-Girl/

PS: I'm not sad. I think I'm starting to get used to this.. After all we've been living together for the past 20 years..
PPS: You're sane if you don't understand what I was ranting about. There was nothing to rant. I was ranting on air. -.-

Goodbye My Friend + Holiday

Went house hopping with my ex high school society members and at the same time 'celebrated' one of our friends' departure to Australia to further her studies. It was a happy + sad feelings for everyone, but mostly happy because we have seen too many friends went overseas already, so the feeling is not as intense anymore, numb liao.

One happy family =D
Now I notice my camera takes super blur photos.

Speaking of furthering studies, my course is going to start real soon, as soon as the beginning of March and the first Monday of the month so amazingly happens to fall on the 1st of March fol. Frankly, even though my holiday is superbly awesomely long, around 4 months (reallllly long), I still DON'T have the 'sien' feeling until I want the uni to reopen. When my uni mates told me they wanna go back to classes asap I was like wtf 生在福中不知福 later assignments like mountain and then you complain no holidays that time really fyl to the max. I just feel that my holiday has too much events until vomit blood, don't even have time to say sien, which is a good thing. =)

I think I should revise what I'd learn in my previous semester, but I'm just so not in the mood to flip open a book~ Aih so many excuses. Probably will do it next week (really a miracle even if I revise it next week) =S