Sometimes you just get jealous over nothing in other people's point of view but somehow to you is a hell lot of a big matter. You know what I mean? I guess no one knows.
Now I can't really differentiate the feelings I am having right now. Is it jealousy? Is it tiredness? Am I emo? I no longer know. Maybe it's a combination of these stuff which lead to some other emotional disorder or whatever.
For some reason, some other people's problem eventually integrated into my brain which caused me to think otherwise of myself. Like for example one of my friends suddenly out of no where went into a relationship with another person whom I don't know, then I kinda like think to myself 'wow lucky for him' because just that other day he just told me that he was very sad other another person whom he likes, which is a totally different person from the one he's with now. Then I started thinking to myself when was the last time I had been in a relationship with someone. Oh right it was a year ago. Time sure passes so quickly that now that I realized I am not long away from early adulthood. Haih then that depresses me.
好听一点就是缘分还没到, 难听一点就是缘分早已过.
I know la. It's very stupid and shallow to think about how long have I been single and when will my time come. Or maybe it had passed long long time ago? -.-
I don't know. Shouldn't a typical friend be wishing them all the best for maintaining this relationship and stuff? And why am I getting jealous over such thing which leads to my emoness and then making me tired? I'm such a self-centered person.
In other words I get jealous over other people's puppy love, but I myself want to have a stable long term relationship. I am so in dilemma, get what I mean? Part of me is dry and part of me is wet.
If I keep on writing I will not know what I am writing anymore cause even what I wrote just now can hardly be understood so I should stop right now.
